Growing up, I never knew who God was. But when I finally found Jesus, I realized that my perspectives on God were different from my parents’. I had no choice but to adhere to my parents’ perspectives and rules. Every time I reminded myself that God loves me and He is merciful, people around me would tell me that I was not enough and that I would still end up in hell because of the sins I had committed.
Because of that, I lived in darkness and started to experience depression. I lived my life to please others, including my parents, and I attempted suicide twice and struggled with self-harm for two years.
Some years ago, I flew to Singapore to continue my studies, contemplating ending my life here. But I still harbored a dust-sized hope. So, I asked God to give me a reason to stay alive. It could be anything or anyone or just a specific place that I would visit once a week.
I gave myself about a year, but before that day came, I met a godly Christian friend who introduced me to the truth and brought me to New Creation Church.
The first time I went to church with him, I learned about the gospel of grace, and it blew my mind. The second time I went to church, I felt a warm sensation that compelled me to pray to God and receive His grace. I felt something inside me urging me to pray in Jesus’ name, so I did, and I felt so relieved afterward. It felt like all my burdens and negative feelings were gone. It felt so light and beautiful. The third time I went to church, I joined in the worship, singing and praying in Jesus’ name.
Gradually, I found hope and a reason to stay alive. I was no longer lost in the dark because I had found the light. Without realizing it, my addiction to self-harm disappeared! I used to self-harm when I felt down and stressed, but now I always seek God’s help first.
I have no more scars on my wrist. I don’t need to cover my scars with makeup anymore. The voices in my head that kept telling me to end my life are also gone!
Knowing that Jesus loves me saved my life. He found me when I was lost. He’s a good Shepherd. I am no longer a nobody; I am a child of God. I am thankful to Jesus and grateful for being loved and saved by Him.
A sister from Singapore
